Home > Happy Holidays Fun, The Monday Musings Column > holiday humour, with a Facilities Manager’s blues

holiday humour, with a Facilities Manager’s blues

This week’s holiday humour comes in the form of a song. Bob Dylan’s Stuck Inside of Mobile (with the Memphis blues again) comes from the 1966 album Blonde on Blonde and has long been a favourite. I used to play it in the car a lot on long trips; the lines “and here I sit so patiently, waiting to find out what price, you to pay to get out of, going through all these things twice” had a lot of meaning after those boring all day meetings and I would sometimes make up topical verses to sing along to.

There’s a bit more about the song at the end of this blog, and if you’re not familiar with the tune, click on the link above to have a listen, but here’s my stab at an FM Blues:

 

At crack of dawn I’m travelling

To make an early start

And slipping in un-noticed

Has become a work of art

To be in before the tenants

Gives time to do some work

Before they start complaining

And treat me like some jerk

 

Oh. Mama. Is this really the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the tenant’s blues again.

 

Then my boss is looking pensive

As our budget’s overspent

And all he wants is answers

On where the money went

He knows we fudge our figures

To keep the big chief fooled

But when we try to make real savings

We just get overruled

 

Oh. Mama. Can this really be the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the finance blues again.

 

And the Green lady got so shirty

She said we’d not been good

With our carbon footprint

Not being where it should

So we sent her four year’s data

To prove beyond doubt

That we had beat or targets

And she printed it all out

 

Oh. Mama. Is this really the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the greenie blues again.

 

When we leased this building

‘Twas the best we could afford

They say the man that penned it

Did win some big award

But behind all the glamour

Are places where problems lurk

And when you boil it all down

It really just don’t work

 

Oh. Mama. Can this really be the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the architect’s blues again.

 

Now here is little Iris

With her noisy red vacuum

She says she not disturb me

But she drives me from my room

So I take a walk round

To kill a little time

But up upon the third floor

is a toilet oozing slime

 

Oh. Mama. Is this really the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the cleaning blues again.

 

Over on the South side

People say that they’re too hot

The sunshine’s burning in

They want more fans than we’ve got

But if we crank the air-con

Which we could do with ease

The people on the North side

Will quickly start to freeze

 

Oh. Mama. Can this really be the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the air-con blues again.

 

Now for the monthly meeting

When we see our main supplier

Where the spec is very low

And our aspiration higher

The contractor wants more money

He says his costs can only rise

But all that we want from him

Is to meet his KPIs

 

Oh. Mama. Is this really the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the supplier’s blues again.

 

Then the safety lady tells me

Of things that might cause pain

No matter how I feel on this

I can’t treat it with disdain

‘Cos no matter what I do

It’ll always be my fault

And the lawyer will be stacking

More money in his vault

 

Oh. Mama. Could this really be the end?

To be stuck inside of FM

with the safety blues again.

 

Once again I’m still here

Going to be late home

My wife’s started complaining

And thinks I’ve begun to roam

But working here in FM

It’s not an easy ride

The last thing I have time for

Is a little on the side

 

Oh. Mama. This really is the end.

‘Cos I’m stuck inside of FM

With the long day blues again

 

So as I turn the lights out

And finally get away

If the job is really that bad

Whatever makes me stay?

But when you look at what I do

When all is said and done

In what other job could

I really have such fun?

 

Oh. Mama. This really is the end.

‘Cos I’m stuck inside of FM

And the blues have gone again.

 

Back in ’66 Bob Dylan was on a roll, but couldn’t get the sound that he was looking for in New York and headed down to Nashville with Robbie Robertson and Al Kooper in tow from his regular band. In Nashville he recruited some of the experienced country session men including Joe South on guitar and bass and Kenny Buttrey on drums and what was to become the double album Blonde on Blonde emerged.

Stuck Inside of Mobile features the sprawling and surreal style of lyric that Dylan had evolved and is driven along by Kenny’s drums and Al’s Hammond organ. At just over seven minutes it was not radio friendly for the late 60s and so was never right for a 45rpm single and so is maybe one of his lesser known works, but give it a try, if only to get a feel for what backs my version.

Stuck inside of Mobile by Bob Dylan ©Dwarf Music

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